Meltdowns are stressful!!! How to Calmly Support your Child Through a Meltdown
As a child therapist in Cardiff, I tend to notice children when I’m going about my day and really empathise with those red faced, embarrassed parents who are desperately trying to exit the shop when their child is having a meltdown. We’ve all been there, it is not uncommon but I’m sure we’ve all thought to ourselves : “Everyone must think I’m a terrible parent letting my child behave in that way”. However more often than not, other parents will be recalling times when they have been in that very same situation. It can be extremely stressful, but being prepared with some strategies for the next time it happens (it probably will) can make such a difference.
Understanding Meltdowns
From my work in Cardiff, I’ve learned that meltdowns stem from emotional overwhelm rather than intentional disobedience. When distressed, children’s minds regress to a younger version of themselves with fewer coping tools and a feeling of helplessness. As therapy taught me, it is much more effective to meet our kids where they are at developmentally with empathy rather than frustration.
Considering Perspective & Physiology
When working with children in Cardiff and supporting them through tough times, I of course start by gathering details from the parent about the challenges the child is facing, but I make sure I then examine the circumstances from the child’s viewpoint to determine what the triggers are and what events may have happened earlier in the day to lead to a state of meltdown. As a parent, consider that your stressed reaction, looming overhead could be very intimidating so calmly coming down to your child’s level will help. This way, with your calm presence your child will be encouraged to match your more relaxed breathing and body language helping them to calm and regulate their emotions.
Taking Space When Overwhelmed
When meltdowns escalate a parent’s reactions often can too. If this occurs when you are at home or a place where your child is safe, compassionate separation will allow you some valuable time and space to practice deep breaths and shift your mindset to a solution-focused one. You only need this distance for 30 – 60 seconds and then when you return feeling more in control of your own emotions, your child will feel this and will be able to exit the meltdown quicker, knowing that you are there to support them through it.
Communicating With Care
When a child is visibly distressed, telling them to “calm down” or to “behave” doesn’t often work. There must be an underlying reason why your child has had this emotional outburst and it might not be as simple as a defiant reaction to not getting a new toy they spotted at the supermarket. Asking your child what has upset them and building a safe connection to share feelings will let your child know they can talk to you and you will listen with empathy and patience.
Whilst you may still feel some embarrassment when a meltdown occurs in a public place, remember there will be other parents there who have been there too and are not judging you. Having some strategies up your sleeve will allow you to focus, remain calm and soothe your child much quicker. Taking time to talk and understand what led to the emotions becoming so heightened will help to build resilience in both you and your child.
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