From Panic to Problem-Solving: How To Help Children Face Anxiety With Confidence
As a child therapist working with children across Cardiff, one of the most rewarding aspects of my work is watching children shift from fear into action. When children learn to stop, think and problem-solve their way through a worry, rather than panic or avoid it, they take a huge step toward long-term emotional strength and better mental health.
This transformation doesn’t require a personality overhaul. It just takes practice, encouragement and the right tools. That’s where Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) comes in:- by teaching children how to approach their thoughts with curiosity and creativity, we help them unlock the problem-solver that lives inside them.
The Power of “What If?” Thinking
Children with anxiety often fall into a spiral of “What if something bad happens?” It’s a form of future-focused fear and it can feel paralysing.
I once worked with a 12-year-old girl from north Cardiff, who constantly worried about friendships at school. She’d ask, “What if they laugh at me?” or “What if no one wants to sit with me tomorrow?” These questions were keeping her up at night, creating stomach aches in the morning and leading to full-blown school refusal.
In therapy, we used an NLP technique called Reframing the Question. Instead of staying stuck in “What if it goes wrong?”, we explored:
- “What if it goes better than I expect?”
- “What could I try if that happened?”
- “Who could help me if I got stuck?”
This shift empowered her to start brainstorming solutions. She even created a ‘Plan A / Plan B’ notebook for tricky situations. As her problem-solving confidence grew, her anxiety began to shrink.
Why Problem-Solving Matters More Than Reassurance
As parents, it’s natural to try and calm our children by saying, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine.” But from a therapeutic standpoint, this type of reassurance (while well-intentioned), can sometimes invalidate how they feel or teach them to avoid rather than manage problems.
Problem-solving, on the other hand, gives children a sense of agency. They learn that even if they can’t control what happens, they can control how they respond.
How to Turn Worries Into Action Plans at Home
Here are a few strategies you can use at home to encourage a problem-solving mindset:
- Externalise the Worry
Use the NLP approach of objectifying the problem. Say:
“Let’s imagine your worry is a character—what does it look like? What is it trying to tell us?”
When children view their worry as something outside of them, they feel less overwhelmed and more ready to deal with it.
- Use the “Three Options Rule”
Teach your child to come up with possible solutions to any worry, even if one of them feels silly.
For example:
- Worry: “I’m scared I’ll forget my lines in the school concert.”
- Options:
- Practise in front of the mirror.
- Ask the teacher if I can have a cue card.
- Pretend the audience are pineapples so I laugh instead of panic.
This creates a playful but practical way to show them they have choices—and choices reduce anxiety.
- Celebrate Problem-Solving, Not Just Outcomes
If your child makes a plan but the result isn’t perfect, focus on effort:
“I’m really proud of the way you thought that through.”
“Even if it didn’t go how you hoped, you had a great plan.”
This builds self-belief that they can handle hard things, not that they need to avoid them.
- Use Future Pacing
Future pacing helps children mentally “rehearse” what success might look like.
Ask:
- “What will it feel like when you’ve handled this?”
- “What will you be telling yourself after you’ve done it?”
This strengthens their inner narrative and reduces fear of the unknown.
Cardiff Parents, You’re Not Alone in This
I’ve had the privilege of supporting many families across Cardiff who thought their child would never be able to face their worries head-on. But I’ve also seen time and time again, when you shift from shielding children from discomfort to equipping them with tools, their confidence blossoms.
Whether it’s a child facing social challenges, academic stress or generalised anxiety, the secret isn’t to remove the obstacles. It’s to help them see themselves as capable problem-solvers.
Final Thoughts: Teach Them They Can Cope
The goal isn’t to raise children who never worry. It’s to raise children who say,
“I’m feeling worried—but I have a plan.”
That’s how we help them turn anxiety into strength.
Need help supporting your child’s problem-solving mindset? My NLP-based child therapy sessions in Cardiff are designed to equip children and teens with practical, empowering strategies to overcome their anxiety and build long-term resilience.
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